An Adoption Story
AKF was initially adopted at seven weeks old after his biological mother abandoned him at the hospital. After 13 years, AKF was placed back in the care of the state after the dissolution of his first adoption. His adoptive parent was elderly and developed medical issues that required her to receive assistance on a daily basis, so she could no longer care for AKF. Her own family members were not willing to take guardianship of AKF due to his defiant behaviors. It was reported that AKF displayed non-compliant behaviors toward household expectations and curfew, behavioral and academic issues in the classroom, staying away from home hours and sometimes days at a time.
AKF was placed with Families First of Virginia in October of 2007. He was placed in a two parent foster home. The foster family had been fostering for many years. They had three birth children and had adopted two children in the past, one remained in the home. The primary foster parent is the foster father. He is a retired military police officer. At the time of placement, AKF was 13 years old and in the 7th grade. When AKF entered the home, he struggled with his hygiene and compliance with household expectations. AKF also displayed a nonchalant disposition as it pertained to his education. He verbalized that he could slack off during the school year and attend summer school for promotion to the next grade.
The foster family was devoted to AKF and his success. They saw his heart from the day he entered their home. They nurtured him and provided his needs instinctively. AKF struggled with respect toward authority figures, particularly women in authoritative positions. The foster mother was aware of this and provided AKF with patience and empathy, as she was aware that he likely felt a sense of abandonment and mistrust from women, since both his biological and adoptive mothers were no longer in parental/caretaking roles in his life. The foster mother was able to positively reframe Aaron’s presentation toward her. She also offered therapeutic affection while being aware of his developmental delays directly related to the trauma of abandonment and neglect he was subjected to during his childhood.
The foster family was aware that AKF’s goal was adoption at the time of placement. They verbalized their desire to adopt him shortly after his placement. As time progressed with the placement, this writer noticed a shift in AKF’s demeanor as communication continued regarding his permanency within the family. He displayed a level of consistency and respect for his foster parents, particularly his foster mother. The foster family included AKF in every activity they participated in; he was as much of a family member as anyone else. AKF went on trips with the family to visit other family members out of state, he went on the family’s vacations (which occurred at least three times within a year) and he spent time with the adult children of his foster parents privately as siblings would. Since AFK was a permanent family member, he was never placed in respite. The foster family is strongly against respite. They have verbalized that they do not utilize respite for their own children, so why would they for any other child.
The foster family began the adoption process in January of 2009. AKF’s name at placement was hyphenated to signify his connection to his biological and adoptive mothers. He decided that he would keep his name hyphenated, but change it to signify his relationship with his adoptive mother (who his foster parents strongly encouraged AKF to continue a relationship with and fostered their own relationship with) as well as his new family. The adoption paperwork was signed on 6/29/2010 and the adoption became final in late 2010 or early 2011 when AKF was 16 years old.
After the adoption, AKF began to thrive academically, socially and behaviorally. He told this writer (who continued to work with the family with another foster youth) that he felt relief due to the lack of pressure placed upon him from DSS and with less stress, he could then excel. He joined ROTC in high school and moved up the ranks. AKF was an extremely influential big brother to his younger brothers (one adopted, two foster). He spoke with them often about their academics and behaviors and reminded them that their parents loved them, in addition to and in spite of their own biological families. AKF graduated from high school in 2012 and received early acceptance into the Marines. As of August 2014, he is stationed out of the country and has been for approximately a year; he will return to the states this month. In speaking with his parents, he communicates with them regularly and is ready to return home to pick up his car he left for them to watch over while he was away.
